Sick Underwear Commercials

I hate the commercials where they have the girls dancing around in the underwear, doing flips and all sorts of weird acrobatic moves. It's disgusting and creepy to watch. I mean, first of all, these models/underwear dancers are a bunch of nobodies with figures that I want. And secondly, they are dancing around, advertising for underwear sold at Wal-Mart (no offense, but Vicki's and Gap Body make the quality stuff). Weird.

the hills

don't ask me why I love the hills...why Monday nights at 11:00 pm MST is devoted only to channel 53 and nothing else, not even a channel switch during the commercials...why their awkward facial expressions take up about 15 minutes of the show...why my relationship mirrors Audrina and Justin Bobby's...why justin bobby is the sexiest advice giver/wherever the wind blows and part time tool...and ultimately why spencer is a douche with a "flesh colored beard" (seriously, whoever coined that phrase was a genius)...

best week ever

i wish i was funny enough to be on best week ever. or at least write for their web site. their thing about the short celebrity men? genius. how LC is an in-the-closet-homosexual with a 'stache shadow? slightly insulting (because I heart the Hills), but still hilarious.

poor "other woman"

so, the latest "other woman" story is our dear hobo-chic sienna miller and her public shirtless escapades with Getty (I know, Getty? what kind of name is that). according to msn entertainment..."She knows she's been branded a marriage wrecker, but she swears it isn't the case," defends the confidant. "She says the marriage was over when she and Balthazar met and that he was ready to move on. He promised her the Earth, but he hasn't kept to any of his promises and has made no moves as far as a divorce is concerned." Seriously? Seriously. This is the story of every poor "other woman" in the movies and in real life. DUHHHHHHHH people. we all know that cheating men promise these things to get some but never follow through. wow, seriously.

and the latest from MSN.com

Practically my internet bible...apparently "the color red makes men amorous...Compared to when they were shown pictures with other colors, the women were considered by the men to be much more attractive, sexually desirable, and worthy of a more expensive date when they were framed by or shown wearing red. But red didn't affect how men rated the women in terms of likeability, intelligence or kindness, and had no effect on how females rated the attractiveness of the other females.Social conditioning may partly explain red's aphrodisiacal effect in men, but their responses likely stem from deeper biological roots, said the researchers, who noted that previous studies found that nonhuman male primates are particularly attracted to females displaying red. For example, female chimpanzees and baboons redden when nearing ovulation—a clear sexual signal to males.i hate the color red." Well, I hate the color red. But I guess if I want to get some, I'll buy a t-shirt from the U or something and get a booty call. Whatever.

Quenching Your Hollywood Thirst

For those of you who have been completely dried out and dehydrated of the juice that is celebrity gossip...here's the latest. Madonna and Guy Ritchie are divorcing. Woo hoo. No one cares, Madonna is old, she's STILL touring (those of you who have seen recent pics...sick). Danity Kane split up. Everyone all together now...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Can we say depression for days? Seriously Aubrella, get it together. Aaaand Britney is making a comeback better than Mariah's emancipation. And that's about it. My latest obsession, believe it or not is not celebrities, it's Bloomberg TV (though I know hardly anything about the stock market) and creating financial budgets and my recipe book. You could say I'm taking on a "project domestication" (thank you Becky for coining the phrase). Don't worry folks, it's only a phase, I'll be back to celebs and other shallow things in no time.

return of the mack...jedi...and whatever else made a big return

seriously!? havent been a blogger since May. Pathetico. So much has happened in the past however many months I haven't posted (i don't count, i hate math). let's recap shall we: Britney (love her!) won VMA awards, Kim Kardashian is still dating Reggie Bush (love her, love him more), Posh Spice got a pixie cut and revealed it at Fashion Week, Gossip Girl, Ugly Betty and all your most favorite shows are out on DVD. By far the most important information you need. One step at a time people, I can't blog a novel right now.

Almost a sucker.

i seriously need to come up with a brand new about me. mine is getting boring. i thought i won this trip thing to anaheim from Worldmark by Wyndham (cause I seriously never win anything. The only two things I've won are 1) a huge pink tote bag from Target at high school senior celebration and 2) a free gold's gym pass from entering a drawing at little caesar's...i didnt know that everyone won one of those). so i was so excited. but then i started doing a little research about this "prize" i won. THe first thing that pops up on google? Rip off report. Awesome. Not going to Anaheim or to South Jordan to "claim my prize." I was almost a sucker.

do you stop and actually read the lyrics of your favorite songs?

so my roommate nay-tar and i like to talk in song. that means, we play a song, and instead of sing the words, we speak them. and we mean, speak every word. take for example, britney spears. ah, that clever little lyricist. speak the words of "Dear diary". This is a classic. "Dear Diary. Today I saw a boy And I wondered if he noticed meHe took my breath awayDear diaryI can't get him off my mindAnd it scares me'Cause I've never felt this wayNo one in this worldKnows me better than you doSo diary I'll confide in youDear diaryToday I saw a boyAs he walked by I thought he smiled at meAnd I wonderedDoes he know what's in my heartI tried to smile, but I could hardly breatheShould I tell him how I feelOr would that scare him awayDiary, tell me what to doPlease tell me what to sayDear diaryOne touch of his handNow I can't wait to see that boy againHe smiledAnd I thought my heart could flyDiary, do you think that we'll be more than friends?I've got a feeling we'll be so much more than friends." Awesome.

sexy sunshine

i'm just sitting here, trying to figure out what to blog about now. the sun is outside shining, calling my name through its i-will-give-you-a-nice-golden-tan rays. come and play with me it says. begs in fact. it teases a bit when i go outside to drive - warming my skin in one spot, hinting that it can tan a lot more. man the sun is so sexy sometimes. i think if it was personified, it would look like...edward cullen...ok ok a real person...hmmm, maybe jude law would be the sun for britain. he seems pretty golden and sunshiney. who would be the sun for america...america's golden boy would be...yeah can't think of one right now. maybe dr. mcdreamy. yummy.

oh the disappointment

msn entertainment is slipping. either they got really crappy writers, or hollywood just isnt exciting enough. WHAT IS HAPPENING? Hell aka Hollywood must have definitely froze over, all of Dante's levels. Sad. I mean the only somewhat interesting news is that Kate Hudson made the no. 1 spot on People's 100 most beautiful people. Which reminded me of how Sarah Jessica Parker aka SJP was voted no. 1 most unsexiest woman in Maxim. Bah hahahahaha. She is pretty unsexy. Sucks for Matthew. Oh well. Other headlines for today's MSN Entertainment section? "Paula Gets Confused on 'Idol'" When is she not confused?? They have a lot of news on Dancing with the Stars aka DWTS (for those of you who don't keep up with the initialisms...not acronyms, acronyms sound like a word like NASA). Anyways, I used to love DWTS when Marie Osmond and Helio were on it but now I could care less. I met Marie by the way. She came to my church and I was completely star-struck. I had to say something. So I casually walked by tapped her on the shoulder and said "I voted for you on dancing with the stars!" and she said "thank you! you're so sweet!" and I walked away. Other witnesses may say that I was a little more awkward about the whole approach. But I didn't really vote for DWTS because I watched it on ABC.com post the voting period, I had to say something to her!

no more losers

"he or she that cares the most loses." officer whiting - via email from corina. i'm going to stop being so caring. i hate being a loser.

im baaaaaaaack

hello blog world. long time no see. so much has happened between my last post and now in the wonderful, shallow, plastic filled, backstabbing world of celebrity. i love the heidi montag video "higher". i admit i bought it on itunes when it came out and i rock out to that song all the time. i think i love it so much because her voice kind of sucks and makes you feel like you can sing good cause she sings in your range! ashlee simpson is having a little baby (and just released a CD which is awesome...though not awesome enough to buy on itunes for 10 dollars but definitely awesome enough for mp3fiesta where every cd is a dollar!). paris is dating nicole richie's baby daddy's band brother...no one cares about him which is why i didnt drop a name. madden or whatever. seriously, she tries to steal everyones thunder. me, i'm just trying to prepare ways for starting over. if i have to. which will suck. but you can start creating plans and alternate plans so if one falls through you can go to your backup and your backups backup. i love ugly betty. its the worlds best show. im waiting for season 2 to come out so i can watch it in all of its full glory. they also have a "MODE" magazine available at Barnes and Noble with Fabia Cosmetics advertisements. I went and got a pedi and a mani this weekend and I feel fabulous. There really is no other word. Ok maybe dainty. I feel a bit dainty.

booooo snow in april

april showers bring may flowers. NOT april snow. sick.

For those of you who poop at work...and dont have a facebook

I did not write these, wish I did but I think about these all the time. Love the people that write the things the general public thinks about. I posted these on my facebook notes. SO all you blogger fans, this post is for you.

HOW TO POOP AT WORKWe've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back inour cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much aswe try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. Forthose who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for takinga dump at work.

CROP DUSTINGWhen farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is notin your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it camefrom. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart hasbeen expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left yourpants.

FLY BYThe act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check forother poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come backagain. Be careful not to become a

FREQUENT FLYER. People may becomesuspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE. A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing apoop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave ofembarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretendit did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal,pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortablefor all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feeluneasy.

JAILBREAKWhen forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This isusually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, donot panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom tospare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSHThe act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. Thisreduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. Thiscan help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAMEWalking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have juststunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment ifsomeone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretendthat the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of theCOURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER. A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often seean Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper ormagazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of TheCloset Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goesoff without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereaboutsof Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS. A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can leastexpect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex.This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR. Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries toforce the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerablemoments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs,remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you willavoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH. A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you arein a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alertpotential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with anASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE. A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that youare occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall isoccupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so thepooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON. A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This isalso an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, createa diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANAOMELET. A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toiletwater. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with anAstaire.

UNCLE TED. A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extendedlengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Tedmakes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should alwayswait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as theother bathroom attendees.

jabbawockeez

i love americas best dance crew. so much that i watch the reruns anytime it comes on. i practically know all the dances by heart now. i love kaba modern. who knew asians could be so....black? they were my favorite crew but a piece of my heart goes to jabbawockeez. definitely the best remake of the michael jackson crotch grab...especially when shane requested it in slow motion. awesome.

too shallow to think of a deep title for this post

i have approximately an hour and 15 minutes before go home time. did i ever tell you how i used to correct everyone's spelling errors? even in chatting conversations, like AIM (ooooold school), MSN messenger (ghetto) and gmail chat (ohhh yeah). they would spell weird, like wierd and i would type and correct them and give them the correct spelling. i dont really do that anymore, but i used to, ALL the time. and if there was a spelling mistake on the chalkboard, i would stare at it all of class and wish that it was spelled right. i also ate lunch with three redheads in seventh grade in the library. we were friends with the librarian so we had special permission to eat in the science fiction corner. which probably explains why i bought the whole Ender's series by Orson Scott Card. I've yet to read the other four. so i read sci fi books. so what?

tribute.

this is my tribute blog to ashlie. Awesome.Super.Hot.Lovely.Interesting.Entertainful. Told you I posted shallow things. I could have come up with better words to describe ashlie, like Aspiring and Soulful but those things are far too deep for a blog like mine. so there you go ashlie. a shallow tribute from a shallow author of a shallow blog. good luck on the mish. will miss you greatly. will probably write but never send, sorry its just what happens. but i can update your blog for you daily if you would like. it might be shallow summaries of what you are really doing, like the celebrities you see, etc. thats about it. peace.

the one girl we all hate

...worse than a whore herself. the attention whore. hate those. love the twilight books. declaring love for edward cullen right now. declared.

silly alcohol distributor web sites

so i work for a transportation logistics company. ive been looking up different shippers around the country and found something very interesting, maybe even stupid, on all of the beer and alcohol distributor Web sites. They all have the option of "if you are not 21, please do not enter this Web site." You can click to put in your birthday and gain access to the Web site which means you can lie about your age and still go in there anyway. DUMB.

rebuilding the cyber social life

so i decided to post another, er, post since the last one did not, er, last as long as i wanted it to. i wanted to write for so long that it would take me up to 5:00 pm and i would be out of here. sucks that im a brilliant typer. i wonder what its like to have a green card. nikki has one, a fake one, that ed made in sunday school during church. but a real green card. is it really green naomi?? do they give red cards to people they catch coming over the border that they dont want to keep here? interesting. what about yellow? those are the pending ones i guess. what to blog about...everyone in my office is getting sick with the influenza strain a virus. so i made a sign and printed it out that said "you are NOT sick" so i could talk my way out of it. being sick is a psychological thing dont you see. you can will your body to do things, just like dr. burke says in grey's anatomy when the little black boy who hates his mother has heart surgery. speaking of greys, i bought the first season on itunes and the third season on itunes and 5 episodes of the second season. i have watched those episodes like 6 times each, NOT KIDDING, until finally natalie (thank you thank you) let me borrow her season two and i got to watch the whole thing all over again. felt so good to have new, er, sort of new episodes to watch.

last half hour

i guess i'll blog this last half hour of work. not much has been going on lately. just chillin, reading the twilight books a whole like what, four months after the female craze. but i must admit, that edward cullen is perfect. ive never read a book with so much intense sexual yet non sexual tension. however, i must admit, the girl in the book paaattthhheeettttiiiccc. seriously. and i picture her as being really really ugly. and edward cullen like hayden christensen. beautiful. havent been to spin in a while. i have a feeling that im going to experience the sore bum bum all over again starting on monday. its just one of those weeks that comes once a month that makes you feel yucky and not workout. step up 2 is pretty much awesome. im ready for the snow to go away and for the "showdown" between jen and ang. what else...in the celebrity world...dont care much for brit anymore except did you see the article about poor jamie lynn? Moving into a double wide! From Hollywood to Kentwood! Soooooo sad this Spears family. Apparently she is having temper tantrums caused by the pregnancy and the crazy hormones. I wonder what they are going to do at Nickelodeon with Zoey 101.

spin is pretty much my second nature

i dont need to write about how often i am going to spin class. its pretty much what i do now. i could practically teach the class now. when they tell me to up my resistance, its cranked to the highest. ohhhhhhh yeah. i dont have internet at my house so i am far behind in my celebrity gossip. i only get fleeting moments with the magazine racks at the grocery store, only the surface level of all the deep gossip that is out there. so so sad.

spin me again

Oh yeah. Went the spin class again. Rocked it. I can pretty much teach the class next week. Going again Saturday at 9. Oh, and this will be my 62nd post. I'm going to have a cyber party to celebrate my 100th. Grand.

SPIN me

started the spin class yesterday at 24. got a one hour butt whopping by a blonde skinny girl who was on a platform yelling at us to "push it push it" and visualize. awwwwwwwwwesome. im going again on wednesday. actually, im marking all the spin class days in franklin. GET FIT. sweeeet. then march 15 (target date) when i am fit, buying myself a blackberry. maybe.

i heart franklin covey

i bought a new planner yesterday. you know the black, medium sized, corporate ones. i heart it. big time. i know i bought one like 2 months ago, but i can never use the same planner for one whole year. it has never happened. except for i am having second thoughts. i have to write so small in it. boo. only solution is to get new pens. tul ones to be correct. fab.

just a spoonful of....msn celebrity gossip...makes the brain stay awake

there's nothing like a nice dose of good msn celebrity gossip to get the brain restimulated and the eyes open at 7 a.m. i was dying earlier this morning, mostly cause i'm sick and have a headache, but turned to msn.com, read about Heath (rest his soul), read about Lindsey Lohan and her descent from A-list to no-letter-list, and the Olsen twins. Why are they even in the news still? They don't do ANYTHING except for act in straight-to-dvd/tv movies or walk around New York posing as hobos. Well, maybe they are still designing for Wal-Mart.

feeding my addiction

I'm trying to blog as much as I can when I can while I don't have the internet at my house. Lord only knows how many posts I would have on here by now post graduation. Probably an older OLDER posts link at the bottom of my page. I created a new blog called "The Lunch Hour" it's the one I post while I am on my little lunch break at my job, but apparently everyone still kind of works through lunch so I feel a little awkward trying to blog especially since I have two monitor screens and my desk is at the busiest place in the office where everyone can see! Anyways, I'm seriously lacking in all of my cyber space addictions...I think I've just pawned it off to various individuals. For example, Natania, who used to be a non-MSN entertainment addict pre-Josie, knew about Heath Ledger's (rest his soul) tragic death. HOW COULD I HAVE NOT KNOWN THAT! I need to get some sort of celebrity alert minus Britney Spears. She took up the whole left column of the "latest news" on the people Web site. Boo. That news is old. I'm just waiting for tragic death news about her too. Sad as that is. Almost blasphemous. Anyways, I don't have any new confessions right now....thinking....yeah, no new ones. But I am going to the gym now, almost everyday. I decided four times a week is good. I did go on the "most depressing day of the year" which was...this past Monday I think. I saw it on the news. They said it's the most depressing day because people are facing the reality of their heinous holiday spending and fizzling out on their new years goals (in which they showed a clip of people on treadmills at the gym) which proves my theory that one should not start going to the gym until about the 3rd week of January to let all the new years resolution failures...well...fail. :)

an overseas booty call

People think that having overseas/transcontinental booty calls will stay hush hush. WRONG. instant communication these days makes certain that yo business dont stay yo business fo long. especially with brown kids.

Silence.

This. Is the moment of silence for Heath Ledger.

mustttt...blog...something...

i am having withdrawals. having no internet at my new place definitely does NOT feed my online addiction. cold turkey is the most terrible thing in the world. pretty soon you start finding cyberspace wherever, it doesnt matter how much is at stake, you try to find somewhere, somehow to click that blue e (or orange globe depending on your preference). i cant buy itunes. i cant read my msn.com entertainment gossip. i cant gchat. i cant facebook camp. most importantly, I CANT BLOG. so i do it where i can when i can however i can get it. im addicted.

oh yeah...

i parked in the visitors parking today. guilt free. felt so good. except everyone can park there during the break so whatever. i also have four green parking tickets in my car. total is about 180 dollars. maybe i wont have to pay it. that would be amazing. byu sucks enough money out of me anyway. im bone dryyyyyyyy.

2008

weird. its 2008. and im still larger than i wanted to be. boo. still have about 28 more days til i can go to the gym. dont want to be crowded with all the other large people who set the same goals i did. not much in the news today and by news i mean MSN.com entertainment, what else. packed all my stuff today. seriously have no idea how i acquire so much junk and i am only one person! who needs a payless shoe highlighter and hand sanitizer, or a snowman bowl set? sick. i have like 8 blankets that all go in one box. one HUGE plastic container for shoes alone, and since i have big feet, that makes it even worse. like six garbage bags of hung clothes, one big red suitcase just of jackets, one mini suitcase just for scarves, two old volleyball bags for pants, one large duffle bag for shirts, two large plastic containers for summer clothes and...wow, lets stop there cause that is disgusting. my goal now should be to simplify. and be simplify, i mean get skinnier.

cun-fesh-un

i like the new Britney Spears cd. actually i LOVE the new Brit cd.
i like ashlee simpson...sometimes...i watched her show when it was on MTV...actually i watch a lot of stuff on MTV, i admit to watching tila tequila here and there.
i've shopped at Gen-X. i even wanted to be a Gen-X model for Halloween, but decided that was a bad idea and no one would get it. i didnt want to be those people who have to explain to everyone what they are at the costume party.
i fell asleep at 1:30 on New Year's.
i keep old clothes that i love, but that have shrunk..shrank...shrunken...whatever...that are too small thinking that i'll fit into them again.
i have the same new years resolution as everyone else, to lose weight...or adapt a heathier lifestyle...or go to the gym 4 times a week (everyday is just too unrealistic for me and makes me more likely to fail)
i didn't go to the gym the first day of 2008 cause everyone is going to be there...i'll wait til week three, the traffic will die down by then.